I'm Learning the Importance of Living in Alignment with the Planets & Stars

One might think that with a chosen name like Spirit, total soul alignment comes effortlessly to me.

The truth is a little more complex.

In this video, a snapshot from my Summer 2025 blended with some current clips*, I reflect on what a magical full moon taught me.

In the six months that have passed since I recorded the beginning half of this video, my life has completely changed. I've left YouTube and have dared to forge my own path forward; I've begun a physical transformation that is noticeable to me (especially after editing this video); and I am more at home--not only in my apartment, but in my body and in what it means to be me.

Still, because of my early life's woundings in regard to being all I am (supported by my Chiron in Leo), I struggle with believing that others will accept me in my authenticity.

:(

Just this morning, I was sitting on my couch, watching the snow fall. My own music filtered in through the Victrola beside me, and I felt a swell of love in my heart for who I am and all that I've created.

Immediately following this swell of love came a wave of grief: the sadness from feeling/fearing as though I will never be truly seen by others. And in this sense of the term "seen," I mean it literally.

Starting this website and eschewing social media has been the best decision for me; there are times, still, when I fear that no one will ever find me--that no one will ever see the full spectrum of who I am and what it is I do/create.

I am a painter, a singer, a composer, a romance writer, and so much more. I hope there will come a time when the people who surround me really understand and embrace these parts of me.

The people who have known me in the past have only known fragments of my totality. You who are witnessing me now are knowing me more fully than those I once considered best friends.

But there is a whole life in the flesh to be lived, and I find myself wondering these days what it will be like when I'm a little more "out there" in the world...you know, interacting with others on a daily basis, forging new friendships, and daring to be seen.

Experience has taught me that I am not a "vibe with people en masse" kind of person, which means that despite my best intentions, I really can't vibe with everyone. For much of my life, I've believed I could and should, and the fact that I haven't has been a great source of grief. And shame.

In this distorted masculine world, every person is expected to fit one definition of "valuable to society." From my perspective, the programming I consumed taught me that the most valuable people are the most outgoing, and that the most outgoing people are the most loved.

You who know me know that what I've sought most in this incarnation has been love.

Love is all I've ever wanted and love is all I've ever dreamed about

These two lines open a song I've been playing around with for quite some time.

They ring true even now.

The most important love I've uncovered in the years of my awakening has been the love I have for myself, a love I once eschewed. Poo-pooed, even.

Now, I just really hope there are people in my physical reality who are here to love me in my totality, too! The thing is: when I am back "out there," I'll need to show up as my full self in order to be fully seen. Now, that is a tall order for someone like me, who once made it her mission to show up as a chameleon, presenting the version of herself others would most likely accept and appreciate. Admire, even.

Can I do it, I wonder, can I really show up physically surrounded by others as Me, capital ME?!

As I'm still sequestered in my cozy corner of upstate New York, I know not the answer. But I hope that, with the self-love I've uncovered and the drive I have to live aligned, I can show up around others as all I really am and not be frightened out of my authentic expression.

Time has shown me my strength and courage; in time, all will be revealed.

XO,

Spirit

*Current for me as I write this is December 15, 2025